Adole Notes

By now, you can see the trajectory I had with these blogs, right? It is like that fabled circle of life, and we’re on the most volatile phase. I have since then stopped being a teenager, and as a recent teenager, I am the next most-informed person on matters teenagers, other than an actual teenager. Granted, I am a step above and a barely functioning adult, and let me tell you, Maina, every adult I know is winging it because they have never been an adult before, unless they were reincarnated in one way or another. 

My recollection has come with confirmation bias since I wrote it, but since then, I have encountered teenagers who happened twice i.e. Nyx’s twin sisters, and two young boys from church who are in their early teens, I presume. All I can say is let teenagers be teenagers, and that’ll save your vocals a whole lot of screaming. 

Anyway, let’s read what I wrote earlier, shall we? Adole Cents, here we go!

First of all, if you are an adolescent reading this, please comment your favourite song! I want to see something! In my phase, Arteta was yet to start his phase one, but I was so into western music and I was consuming a lot of pop music, and since then, I have gravitated more into African music, and then Kenyan music, and I am happy where I am. Don’t get me wrong though, when I say play .ke music, I don’t mean play Kenyan music all the time, I mean play more Kenyan music in places and spaces you might not have played Kenyan music, or places where more people are set to be appreciative of Kenyan music, thereby increasing it’s exposure because the industry needs it. So, for today, were I in my shoes, I would have played “Ikitoka” by Genes1s.

I had myself in the first half because, according to my metrics, I am still a teenager! The AUDACITY of myself! Anyway, since I have already said it, and the statute of limitations on me taking back my words has already passed, who am I to argue against myself? Of course, I love myself!

I still stand by my words though — teenagers do some really stupid shit! Once again, since I am one, I have to come clean. I broke a glass and burned my kitchen towel within the same week! Crazy stupid, right? I know for sure plates in this house tremble anytime I enter my kitchen. I wish I could say I was going through stuff last week, but that was not the case at all! I was just clumsy.

FYI, a lot of the points I make were because I thought I didn’t have the freedom I wanted, and the irony is that I could go literally anywhere in the world if I wanted to, but I have not. Once again again, adulting is a SCAM! And whenever I was laughing at my phone, I was 100% flirting with someone’s daughter. 

 Heeyyyy, concerned teenager, 

As a recently graduated teenager (double entendre), I have been in your shoes, and you and your feelings are valid. I hate to break it to you, but you have to do those chores. Your life will always be about chores, even when you get your own place, and then you’ll understand why dishes should be done before you get pests in your kitchen. It is not mandatory for you to smile while doing them, though. You can be mad, but the underlying point is that the dishes need to be done, even though I really don’t like doing them when I am living alone. 

You absolutely don’t have to get your shit together in your formative years, because that is what your twenties are for! You will make a lot of mistakes, but that’s the process of being a teenager, so allow yourself to BE a teenager. 

Your music taste will evolve, and you will meet amazing people through music who will introduce you to new genres through which you will meet even more new people. That heartbreak will come back to back to back, and it will make you the funniest person you know (your sense of humour will be very influential in getting your next girl). Heads-up, your crush never notices you IN school, but will text you so often after graduation, well, one will and the other one will never return your novel. You’ll also meet an entirely new girl, and her best friend will threaten you on IG in a group you both were added. 

You will have Wifi in your house and use IG so much that you’ll start setting app timers in an effort to regain your concentration span. If you think you didn’t care about politics, just relax, because you are about to become a full-time activist. 

Well, this next part is awkward. You’ll never get your periods because you are a guy with absolutely no intention of gender-switching, but you will get a cat who, according to Nyx, changed genders from a female cat to a male cat called Gracie. 

Once again, you WILL give a million shits about the economy because money will come in through three avenues but leave in a hundred different ways. Your bank statement still requires CPR, and it always will for the next five years. 

You don’t know it yet, but you have already started making really good decisions, and I am proud of myself for trusting you. 

Yours sincerely, 

Concerned former, and yet current teenager. 

I still have to puke and wash off all that motivation crap from my mouth! 

From Me To You

I was paid on time, and while it is sad for me to say this, but I believe they have changed their ways, and all it needed was for me to make myself important at work, and it is ruining my life! Don’t get it twisted, I still love what I do, but T for Taff. 

Many June babies received gifts, and I have to say, something must’ve been in the air in September because what the helly? For your next year, I hope you never buy Oraimao headphones, NKIE shoes, Gadis SG jerseys, BALENCIKGA hoodies. If by any chance you lose your visual faculties and don’t do quality assurance whenever you go shopping, I will laugh at you, not with you, until you shape up. 

If you and your friends (tell them to tell their friends) haven’t subscribed to my new website already, what are you waiting for? This is as big a sign as they come!

You can also follow my page on Instagram, too! The visuals are to die for!

Before you go, read about my experiences being in a position of power, as a peer counselor (yes, you read that right!) in My Unsolicited Advice.