The Cat Ate My Laptop

I used to look at “adults” with full calendars and wonder, when will I be that adult? Well, I am that adult at the moment, and I do not like it one bit! I also used to judge my favourite writers when they would have so erratic posting schedules, and I hereby apologize, I know life was lifing and I extend some grace to you. 

I, for one, would like to say that I have been going through a lot, but I am going to say that the cat ate my laptop. I’d say the dog did, but Gracie has that dawg in him, so once again, the cat ate my laptop. On the same lane of realizing, Gracie has been hanging around with another ginger cat and I have an inkling that the cat is a bad influence on him because now he leaves the house at 8 pm and the earliest he comes back is 4 am; or he’d leave at 7 am and come back at 7 pm, and I totally get why parents would freak out when you’d go for walks for the entire day and come back at night saying, “Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax! Si nimerudi, alaa!” Anyway, he now has a curfew, and he’ll be staying indoors from 9 pm through to 8 am, and during the day, he can do whatever he wants because he is a cat and he should do cat things.

This might sound like a weekly newsletter to my two recipients, but it is not; though I know that they eagerly await Monday evenings for the drama. I often elicit a chuckle from them but the highlight of my week has been making eight people in a WhatsApp group laugh. EIGHT! For context, EIGHT is a whole substitution bench in first-team football. EIGHT is over 66% of Jesus’ disciples. EIGHT is the number of countries in the G8 up to 2014. EIGHT is the number of people who reacted with a laughing emoji at my text. Not much (well, it is muuuuccchhh), but it’s some honest work. 

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that adulting sucks, and everyone is adulting for the first time in their lives, so I am okay looking the other way when my expectations are set in the stratosphere, but for some people, I will not be extending them that grace. I mean, the people who have the audacity and confidence of a cockroach? You helped me set those expectations up there, and when you start falling short, I will come at you with all the fury of a beheaded cockroach (P.S. No Cockroaches were harmed in writing this).

I also recently got a smartwatch, and the only thing I love more than pressing those buttons is loving Nyx, but damn, those buttons are addictive. I particularly enjoy measuring my bpm, and I am certain the UI hates to see me coming. In fact, as I write this, I measured my bpm two hours ago, and it was 82, and at the moment it is at 80. The lowest it has ever been was at 69 when I was on a call with Nyx, and the highest was at 88 when I was yet on another call with Nyx doing some 3 am shopping.

Anywhoo, I have not folded clothes for two days now, even though I did my laundry at 2 am on a Sunday because that’s what freedom gets you — and I fully intend to do whatever I want whenever I want; like replying to work emails at 4 am just to give the recipient high blood pressure. Of course, all of these are justifications for my horrible sleeping schedule, but that’s what F1 races at 9 pm, Man U friendlies at 4 am, and Merlin episodes at noon do to you. On the bright side, I have not missed a sunrise or a sunset for two weeks now, which has been beautiful.

If you ask me as an adult what makes me happy, I am pretty simple. I really like it when my Wifi is fast. When the avocados hit just right. When EIGHT people laugh at my joke. When Netflix works the way it’s supposed to. When I have clean clothes. When I press all the buttons on my smartwatch. When I see Nyx’s eyes light up every time she looks at the camera. When I see the stadium on Ngong Road. When my favourite DJs upload new mixes on YouTube. When I listen to new podcast episodes. When I sleep on my bed. When I walk around forests. When I cook a great home-sourced meal. When I get exhausted from the life I chose. And finally, when you read this. I wonder, what makes adult you happy?

P.S. That is a picture of a very stubborn plant that gave me high blood pressure six months ago. 

P.S.P.S. I’m really considering publishing these same stories on Medium and Substack. If you have experience using those sites, what advice do you have for me?

P.S.P.S.P.S. Gracie said woof! 

From Me To You.

I am sorry, but what the fuck are the cats doing in this painting? Louis Wain and his weird cats were a whole thing!

I kid you not, I have eaten rice and ndengu for three people and I was too full to write this blog, but here we are. I knew it was a bad idea because at the moment, all the blood I have is going to my stomach rather than my head, so in fact, I have no idea where this sentence is leading to, but at least it is leading somewhere, no?

To the July babies, I hope your significant other bought you a jersey before the 25/26 season, and I hope your team wins every other game apart from the one when it faces Man U. Also, may your tissues never run out when you are having stomach upsets. Finally, when the kiss cam zoom in on you, may you always be with your partner. 

Until then, thank you for being here, and if you have not yet subscribed, what are you waiting for? 

If I have not yet convinced you with this post, please read about my ramblings on adolescence: Adole Notes.