I was watching an episode of Teen Titans Go with a couple of friends recently, and I saw Cyborg wail over meat pies. This reinforced what I had earlier written on a previous blog: Guys have feelings, too, which is true!
Let me give you the context for that specific blog. I wrote it on a Monday, late for my third class that week. I was in a bad emotional place- in the absolute pits, and I thought that I could express myself best when writing, so I decided to write. My previous flame, let’s call her Anna, had dumped me a couple of hours prior and I was feeling sad about it.
Looking back at that moment now, I was very immature and I was too young to handle a baddie. We were having a lot of communication issues, a lot of misunderstandings, and miscommunications every next Wednesday. I also felt insecure because I had heard stories of Nairobi women and how this city is one big bedroom. She was a Nairobi woman, and she lived in Juja. Quick math one plus one would mean that I was going to be looking over my shoulder every time.
Oh, yes, and I wanted a lot of attention. It so happened that she was running for a delegate position at JKUAT and her focus would have been on the elections. I, on the other hand, was a first-year student who knew nothing about student leadership and how demanding it was. Fast forward to my last year on campus, I was a student leader! How the tables somersault. I would text her all the time because I had nothing else meaningful to do, and I would fuss when she was busy with campaigns. When she would respond later in the day, I would have puffed up like a freshly cooked mahamri and would want to hear none of it. Oh, how naive was I!

Long story short, she got tired of my hijinks among other issues, and called it off. I would have fought for her, but since I am conflict-averse, so I let her go. What’s that saying? Set what you love free, and it will come back to you, right? Well, I am glad she never came back because I am now with one of the most amazing ladies ever to exist: Nyx. In a way, I am glad I was immature because I matured because of it. So, to all the women I have loved before, thank you for giving Nyx this amazing gent.
Here’s the link to the post in question. Read it first before coming back here.
Guys have feelings too, again!
With its history out in the open, I read it and I would like to update a couple of things.
First, men have feelings, too. I still stand by that. Everything reverberates a couple of years later. Yes, we have feelings, but we are ill-equipped to communicate them appropriately.
Talking about our feelings implies that we can be vulnerable, and that goes against everything we try to portray. We like being seen as the strongest people around. For example, I know I can’t physically fight, but Nyx knows that when push comes to shove, I can floor people. It is a systemic thing that keeps our culture and society alive, but that doesn’t mean that it is the right way to go. There are two ways, or more, of looking at this, so hear me out.
As a man, what gives you gratification? Seeing the fruit of your hands, right? I am reading Things Fall Apart, and I’ve reached the place where Okwonkwo heads out to ask for some yam seeds from an elder in the village for his lands. Okwonkwo’s father was a failure in all aspects but playing the flute. He was lazy, which brought shame to the family, and it affected Okwonkwo’s mental health. Okwonkwo decided to take action instead of talking about how the sins of his father were affecting him.
He felt gratification that way, by working, which is one approach. When feeling low, you can go deep into working and look for something tangible to show that you overcame whatever emotional hurdle you were facing. Sex therapy is a thing too. You could try it. You can dance, go boxing, play video games, pray, run, or shout. That’s something you can use to convey, or rather, communicate your emotions.

On the other hand, you can talk your feelings out. Talk with your fellow guys and learn from them. Yes, the banter will be for ages, but it doesn’t mean that you shut out when you are dying inside. If you can’t, I know a therapist or two at the Centre for Suicide Research and Intervention who will be glad to help. Just don’t be the 700,000 plus one person who dies of suicide every year.
I still reiterate, check on your male friends mentally, emotionally, and physically. How can you do this? Ask them any of these questions periodically:
- How are you feeling today, really?? Mentally and physically?
- What’s taking up most of your headspace right now?
- When was your last full meal?
- Have you had enough drinking water?
- How have you been sleeping?
- What have you been doing for exercise?
- What did you do today that made you feel good about yourself?
- What’s something that you can do that will make you feel good?
- What’s something that you’re looking forward to in the next few days?
- What’s something we can do together even if we’re apart? What games can we play?
- What are you grateful for right now?
- Do you feel financially secure?
- Have you had time to do things you enjoy?
- Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t had the chance?
- What has been keeping you busy lately?
- Do you feel supported by your friends and family?
- Have you been able to spend time with friends or loved ones?
- Is there anything you need help with?
- Are you feeling isolated or lonely?
- What’s something good that’s happened to you recently?
- Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to talk about?
- Have you been feeling stressed or anxious about anything?
- How are you handling everything going on in your life right now?
- Do you feel like you have a good balance between work and personal time?
While these might not capture everything, they’ll go a long way in checking up on your fellow guys. In case no one has asked you these, take it that I have. You can always shoot an email to me, and I’ll be more than happy to help you. My email is chachalesley18@gmail.com, and I’ll always be your friendly neighborhood blogger!
From me to you.

I have to say, I miss the oomph I had with all my previous intros. Nowadays, I am more calm and collected in my writing, which is a good thing. It shows growth. I used to have fun with the intros; I mean, I still do, but in a different way now. Lesley was doing a great job, and I commend him for that. He walked so that Chacha could fly.
This is a new blog that is built on the back of the old one. I wrote it on my old website, and I am slowly moving everything that was on there to my new website- to here. In case you want to go back and reread it, here’s the link to the blog: Guys Ain’t Robots!! Well, Apart From Cyborg.
To the May babies, I hope your birthday month has been kind to you, and I also hope the new year will be more fun and fulfilling. I have personally talked to the man upstairs, and your pillow will always have the perfect balance between warm and cool. If you have rastas, too, may the dryer never burn your scalp. Happy belated birthday to you!
As always, if you haven’t subscribed, what are you waiting for? If you have, please share with all the men you know.
Have you not had enough of my stories? Here’s my previous one, where I wrote about an existential crisis: I am because we are!
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Great job Chacha, lemme go ask my dad if he’s had a full meal 🙂
🥳🥳 did he have a full meal?
I can’t hahaha naisha “I would have puffed up like a freshly cooked mahamri”
😂😂😂what can I say?
I think that men should let their Nyxes know about it so we’re not operating on assumptios that we’re robots.
Of course, but you know the generic man, will he be that open? That’s going to take time.
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Great read man. Thanks for reaching out to us. Its not a little people checking on guys. And of course they’re not going to easily talk about their feelings. Also…my Birthday month was indeed fulfilling thanks for asking.
I am glad you felt seen and heard🥳🥳🥳.
Great read man. Thanks for reaching out to us. Its not a little people checking on guys. And of course they’re not going to easily talk about their feelings. Also…my Birthday month was indeed fulfilling thanks for asking.