Isn’t that crazy! 

I want to say that I am one of the 1/7 of the world’s population born on a Friday, but statistically speaking, that would be false because the population is not evenly divided by the number of days. If we were to look at the most popular birth days of the week, according to a study done by Smart Cells in the UK, most children are born on Thursdays, then Fridays, then Wednesdays, then Tuesdays, then Mondays, then Saturdays, and finally Sundays come last. However, it is important to note that giving birth does not have a set “deadline”; rather, predicted due dates serve as “suggestions,” and in reality many women give birth a couple of days past or before their due date. So in actuality, I could have been born on a Sunday or a Wednesday, but definitely not a Monday. I guess that explains why I have never liked Mondays (Funny enough, Nyx was born on a Monday, so I guess the old adage “opposites attract” is true). Part of the reason why Saturdays and Sundays come last is that C-sections are often scheduled on weekdays rather than weekends, so could I have been born through a C-section? I highly doubt that. 

I know a lot of people who were born on different days of the week but I happen to find that people born on a Friday-Saturday-Sunday happened to be the coolest, because, well, for one, your life started when you were relaxed, and your mother was relaxed, too, because they were off work heading to a weekend, and not the other way around. Plus, your immediate family and friends had no “I am at work” excuse for the next couple of hours because it was a weekend (suck it, capitalism!). 

Can you imagine being born on a Monday? The doctors and nurses would probably have been tired from the sherehe they took over the weekend. Your mother might be exhausted because she might have been at work when her water broke, and there you are, coming into the world angry because the stars did not align perfectly (don’t get me started on the astrological bs and how the star signs have been off for millenia and how your horoscope is off by a couple of months). Does that show a correlation between the day you were born and how chill or not chill you turn out to be? Of course, your childhood plays a big part in your outcome, but still, if I am ever kidnapped and forced to go to a therapist and she starts with, “tell me about yourself”, can you imagine if I say, “it all started because I was born on a Monday?” That is some crazy admission of guilt. 

I personally feel like being born on a Friday is the perfect culmination of all the anticipation surrounding one’s birth. Of course, the mother knew it would be sometime this week, and they had been preparing all week for it. Monday came, and you didn’t show? Good! You didn’t come out to a very agitated world. Tuesday no-show? Well, who takes Tuesday seriously anyway? Wednesday rolled around? We’re halfway there, and imagine being dumped in the middle of the week? When people are anticipating Friday but not yet over Monday? Thursday? You mean the lazy day? No, thank you! Friday is the perfect day! Doctors are happy because it’s a weekend, your mother is happy because it’s a weekend, and your siblings are happy because it’s a weekend. Saturday is a bit ish-ish because everyone is in rest mode and not exactly sharp, and some mistakes might happen here or there. Sunday is okay, but most people will be in church, and you won’t get as much attention as you’d like. The bright side is that the roads and almost everywhere else will be empty, so you’ll come out to fresh breezes and open air.

There are a lot of studies done into why people are born in which months, and sometimes it is calculated, and sometimes your parents are just bad at math. Case in point: I was born in February, so if I wind the clock back, I was conceived in May. Nothing important happened in May, so I can say my parents were bad at math. For people born in November, we know what “gift” your mother gave your dad! I always see November babies suspiciously because we know, you know, and everyone knows what went down on Valentine’s. 

However, it is also important to note that for parents who are calculative, they put a lot of thought into your conception and subsequent birth month. Seasonal factors like temperature (cold months get more conceptions than warm months because human beings need to cuddle, and one thing could lead to another, and then chubwi!) or cultural factors like holidays (Valentine’s & your spouse’s birthday often lead to things happening under the sheets).

For some parents, conceiving in January is ideal for them because they can have the pregnancy and the three-month post-partum recovery period all in one calendar year, and I have to applaud them for that because they’ll be standing on business. For February conceptions, you’ll be rocking your one-piece by the pool and enjoying the sunshine with your baby bump, which means your child will come out during the December holidays or close to then, so many family members will be available to help you through it. March is perfect for holiday babies, and the bright side is you’ll finally get to drink on New Year’s Eve. As for April, I have no idea why you would be having sex with the news of Jesus’ death and resurrection. That’s just crazy! And you’ll be the “pregnant lady” on Christmas, and that’s just a lot of work. For May, I think it’s coo,l and you are cool, not because I am biased or anything, but yk, you will give birth to amazing children who are also cool. If you are a teacher, I’d recommend June because your child will come in March, just in time for the April holidays (Capitalism once again!). For July ones, we know what you are doing with the cold weather; after all, there’s not a lot of things to do when your feet and hands are freezing. August, September, and October, did you realize you wanted to have a baby as the year is past its prime? Well, for November and December, what can I say? What a way to end the year with a bang! Quite literally.

Anyway, we also know that stuff can happen, and when stuff happens, other bedroom stuff happens to make the people whom the initial stuff has happened to feel better, and nine months later, a bigger stuff will happen that will keep on doing stuff in, to, and around your house for the next 18 years. So, you know, stuff happens.

Please Note:

Of course, there are some factors I have not included, like premature babies, and those that come extremely late who would have screwed my agenda because I wanted my agenda to agend. I have also not included late or early conception, which could have changed the outcome. The study I mentioned at the beginning was done in the UK, and using it as a reference for births across the globe, much less in Kenya, raises some question marks because it is not representative of what often happens on the ground. Births, too, are a life-threatening occurrence, and congratulations to all mothers out there who managed to come out of it with minimal scarring, and I send my heartfelt condolences to mothers who lost their children during childbirth, miscarriage, and the few weeks and months after childbirth.

I have also been informed by a nurse-to-be that the health care industry works in shifts, with no distinction between weekdays and weekends, and they can have a “weekend” on a Tuesday. Also, C-sections depend on the type and day of the emergency.

From Me To You

To all the January babies, I hope people will always set aside some money during the holidays for your birthdays, and may you never have the January blues in your birth month. May your bed always be springy, and if you’re trying for a baby, I send a thousand lucks your way. Also, may you get a salary bump. 

What can I say? This came to me in a dream, and I wanted to see how far I could go along with it, since, well, there’s only so much you can think about when you haven’t been paid for the fourth month running. I honestly don’t know how I am surviving, but oh, well, at least I have had enough time to think about what kind of life I want for myself. If only I had a million dollars! Then I can say that not everything is about money, but at the moment, everything is! 

If you enjoyed reading this, please consider subscribing. If not, please read my last story where I was thinking about my mortality. A bit poetic, isn’t it?