To the women I have loved before who thought it would be me, it ain’t me, and this is for you. 

Cheers, 

Not me. 

Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? I know for a fact, it ain’t me. 

Silhouette of a man by a window

I don’t miss the arguments. Maybe you liked arguing, and I never picked up on that. I don’t miss when I had to tiptoe around your feelings, not knowing that by being me, I was wrong the entire time. Did you love tormenting me? You used to jump at any chance you had if it meant that we would be at loggerheads with each other. Maybe you enjoyed chaos, and I detested that. 

Were you getting off on telling me to “wait some more” anytime I wanted our bodies to explore each other? Were you happy when you didn’t want to be seen with me in public? When we always took the back roads and alleys to and from your hostel? Were you proud claiming not to know me in front of your friends when they didn’t know what happened behind the scenes? How I was a stranger to you with your friends but far from a stranger to your orgasms behind closed doors? The same people walking around you giggling yet they didn’t know how much you detested them and their constant chuckles? How you’d wait for me by a tree at the furthest end of the school in the day time while you held on to my hair roots at 3 a.m. while going down on you? 

Who will you be subjecting to that cruelty? Definitely not me. 

Who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep?

A couple watching a movie

I had a dream that we were sipping whiskey neat at my place, and all I cared for at the moment was how elegant you were with the lime. But that was in the past, and my question to you is… who’s gonna send you paragraphs upon paragraphs of how my day was or how much I want our future to be bright?

Coming to think of it, I was probably the most comprehensive person you had met, but look at how that turned out. Who’s going to write you poems from whims after seeing your pictures? Who will cheer you on when you want to take classy pictures? Or take those pictures themselves? Or even take random photos of you? Who’ll immortalize you with words? It ain’t me, nope. 

Who’s gonna call you for five seconds just to flirt with you in the middle of your day? Who’ll write long emails reminding you of how there is more love in the world than any of us can hold and you would be the recipient of that? Who’ll write you physical letters and spray his perfume for you to find at random places? Who’ll make you experience romance at its highest peak and make it feel too easy?

Who’ll tickle you after a long hard day’s work before cooling you down with ice cream? Who’ll cook food for you when you don’t feel like entering the kitchen? Or tell you your food is great everytime you cook? Who’ll eat the extra food you cook? Who’ll do your laundry when you have a broken arm? Or when your nails are freshly done? Who’ll do the dishes for you when you are sick? Who’ll nurse you to health? Because I know I won’t be home and you’ll be on your own. 

Who’ll cater to your cravings during your periods? Who’ll go out at midnight to get you crisps because it makes your uterus hurt less? Who’ll give you his jacket to cover your ass when the blood sips out to your clothes? Who’ll cuddle with you with all the pain? I know I won’t satisfy your lust anymore. I know I won’t be there to take you over the edge to bliss. I don’t want you to think of me when you are pleasuring yourself. Neither when you use your vibrator, or your hands, or a rebound. I won’t be the subject of your thoughts when you see a sex scene in a movie. Or when you want to go to the cinema without anyone to take you. Or when the lyrics hit a little too close to the heart? 

Who’s gonna save you from your friends and family? Who’ll recharge you when your social batteries have been drained? Who’ll you be thinking of when you are happy and content in a room full of people? Who’ll text your friends when you don’t want to talk to them? Who’ll call your parents on your behalf? Or rather, who’ll answer their calls when you are depressed? It ain’t me. Nada. 

Who will fill you with hope of a brighter and better future on your darkest days? Who will reply to your 3 a.m. texts when you have an existential crisis? Who’s gonna provide you with a shoulder to lean on when the world chews you up and casts you out? Who’ll cheer you on your highs and lows? Who’ll hold your hand when you are scared, happy, sad, pumped, cheered, praised, and nervous? Who’ll be there for you as a lover, a brother, a friend, a partner, a roommate, a travel buddy, a reading partner, a fellow melophile, a cinephile, a congregant, a conversationalist, and a high drug abuser? I won’t. 

Who’ll make you laugh? Who’ll take care of your inner child? Who’s gonna tell you bedtime stories until you sleep? Who’ll keep you company when you can’t sleep? Who’ll cover you when you fall asleep on the couch? 

Who’ll pause the movie for you anytime you leave the room? Who’ll get you water when thirsty and an avocado to go with every meal? It won’t be me. Zii. 

A blurry image of a path with music

Who’s waking up to drive you home when you are drunk and alone? Who’ll pick you up anytime you are in town? It ain’t me. Zilch. 

It ain’t me.

And I reiterate, with my last breath, that your mother will, your father might, and your new guy will try, but it won’t be me. It’ll never be me. 


P.S. I thought it was a sad song, like losing a loved one or something close to that, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I had to do a deep dive, look for the lyrics on Genius and several YouTube videos, and then restructure my story around that. The visuals on the official video were terrific, though. Watch it here: It Ain’t Me Official Video.


Since this is the first post, get to know me better here: About Me.

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16 Comments

  1. Njokstar✨️ May 11, 2024 at 9:47 am

    If not for anything else, may you live to write for those of us who need these exact words!!
    As always, hats off🫡

    Reply
    1. Lesley Chacha - Site Author May 12, 2024 at 1:15 am

      Thank you! There’s more to come; after all, we are all part of the human condition, no?

      Reply
  2. IAN ALUDA May 15, 2024 at 11:27 am

    😅😅😅

    Reply
    1. Marty, TheSmallTownZebra May 17, 2024 at 10:06 pm

      Who is going to miss to miss updtaes from Lesleys new site? It Aint Me.
      You are infecting me with romance. My Ggirlfriend says I am a changed person. Stop.

      Reply
      1. Lesley Chacha - Site Author May 18, 2024 at 12:31 am

        The greats copy from the greats. Tell her you’ve found new ways to love her better, and watch her melt!

        Reply
  3. MARIA MUTHONI NJOROGE May 17, 2024 at 6:47 pm

    It ain’t me 😂😂😂I could feel an ex screaming this at me .
    This captures emotions of a breakup so well.
    And a good writer knows how you draw from nature.

    Reply
    1. Lesley Chacha - Site Author May 18, 2024 at 12:28 am

      Thank you! Art imitates life, no?

      Reply
  4. VICTOR OMONDI ODUOR May 17, 2024 at 7:00 pm

    Nice piece💯

    Reply
  5. Mary Taylor May 17, 2024 at 8:29 pm

    Now you have me singing it ain’t me and not even reading it as it is😂😂😂

    Reply
    1. Lesley Chacha - Site Author May 18, 2024 at 12:30 am

      As you should!!

      Reply
  6. Mexy May 18, 2024 at 12:37 am

    Lol! I think we all had that one person in mind while reading this.

    Reply
    1. Lesley Chacha - Site Author May 18, 2024 at 7:46 pm

      That one person should read this. Drop it in his dms like an atomic bomb.

      Reply
  7. Catherine Kariuki May 18, 2024 at 11:47 am

    Another lovely piece from an amazing writer.Thank you Lesley for sharing your gift with us.

    Reply
    1. Lesley Chacha - Site Author May 18, 2024 at 7:46 pm

      Thank you for always reading and supporting me. There’s more where that came from. Stay tuned!

      Reply
  8. Pingback: I Am Because We Are. | Coffee with Lee

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